Waiting at the Altar

*This will be a long article, just a warning, so I’ll be splitting it up into two articles, one for the directed towards the girls and towards the guys*

OK ladies, let's own up. No matter who you are, where you're from, you want a guy to sweep you off your feet. Laugh with you, talk to you, pray with you, love you. But sometimes in this quest for true love, we get discouraged. Sometimes we go to a dance and don't get asked to dance, by ANY of the guys, maybe a friend who felt the same way you did just started dating, maybe you're wondering why you're waiting at all. I've experienced all three, nothing a tough practice, soccer ball, ice cream, and a good cry couldn't fix. But in the midst of all these insecurities and doubts, we also wonder if there's anyone out there who has the same beliefs. The biggest question of all is "will I find someone who respects and agrees with my decision to wait until marriage?”

I asked a few people these questions:

1. How important is waiting for marriage to you?
2. Does it mean no dating until marriage is a possibility?
3. Is it more attractive when someone else has those ideals?
4. Do you think modesty shows a girl is waiting? (This one was directed more towards the guys:P)
5. Any words to help encourage people who are maybe a little discouraged by the lack of people who have this high a standard, or are maybe feeling down because of the lack of any relationships in their lives that others may have?

The responses were:

1.      “Major priority.”

“I believe a man and woman should be as pure as possible leading up to their marriage. From experience, trust me on this.”

 “Super duper important! Waiting for marriage means giving yourself more completely to your spouse-to-be and showing them that you are willing to sacrifice your own pleasure now for both of your happiness later on.” (I love the last one J.)

“Waiting for marriage is very important to me when it comes to accomplishing things first that can benefit me and my wife.”

2.      “Dating without marriage in reach is absolutely ridiculous! While dating is very important, our culture tends to skew the context of the word. Dating is a special type of friendship in which we learn to love someone, a crucial part of getting ready for marriage in the future. It is important to discern what people in your life are for that and what people are meant to fulfill a different role. This can be hard, especially for guys. It takes a lot of prayer and discernment.”

“I don’t believe in saying until you’re married. Like, no dating. You can still have a good dating life and not compromise to the ways of the world. You can miss out on a lot by not dating. There are godly men out there. Whether or not they’re your husband is up to God.”

 “Dating is super important; you really do need to get to know people in a special way before you can make any kind of decision on whether or not to spend the rest of your life with them! Even if marriage isn’t a possibility at the moment (high school, if you find someone you truly love and who truly loves you, there should be no problem staying together until marriage IS an option.”

3.      “Yes, for sure. For me, someone I can pray with and trust, but that’s me. Everyone has their dream person buy remember that guy/girl you have in your head is not always what God throws at you. In fact, that’s rarely the case. Don’t expect perfection. Just be open and let God call you.”

“For the most part, yes! Faith wise, at least. I don’t want someone to have the exact same views on every other scale of life. Soo… A lot?? Of course lol but I want to learn and see knew things. You can’t always get that with someone who agrees on everything with you.”

“Definitely!” (Love it! I’m laughing as a type this hahaha…)

“It is definitely attractive that one meets a person with the same ideals because both enjoy each other and make a stronger relationship, I would say.”

 

4.      “Modest is the hottest J of course. But the sad thing is that the virtuous girl who keeps to herself is usually not the center of attention (and often hard to find or recognize.)”

“I believe modesty is a woman not conforming to the ways of man. Whether it’s staying pure until marriage, dressing modestly, being faithful to God, etc. 100%. Goes the same for guys.”

“YES. I think girls hear the whole “modest is hottest” thing a lot, but don’t necessarily believe it. Coming from a guy, I can tell you it’s true! Really short shorts and revealing tops are a major turn off for me. I want a girl that cares enough about herself and her own dignity that she doesn’t try and show herself off to every guy that comes around the corner. “Dressing this way is like rolling in mud: it gets you attention, but mostly from pigs.””

“Modesty can mean a lot to men. For me, it means that women have respect for themselves and that we should respect them. Modesty shows that the individual sets standards so it gives many people a chance to see if they meet those standards. It proves that one is waiting for marriage because they show that they don’t like to conform to the lies of this world.”

 

5.      “It’s not easy, but I know it’s worth waiting for even though I don’t have a whole lot of experience to go with it. Have faith, always hope, and no matter what, love. God will take care of the rest.”

“In my opinion dating can be overrated. I’ve been in a fair amount of relationships and today I’ve been with a girl for 8 months who I love dearly. But don’t let other relationships fool you into it being the world. At times it is and its great but bouts of singleness can be a blessing in themselves.”

“I totally feel for you. Don’t be discouraged if you can’t find people with your values! God has a plan for you, and it’s probably way beyond your understanding. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”-Jeremiah29:11. It took me until this summer to find someone, and I guarantee God has someone for you too. All you need to do is wait and trust him. God bless!”

“Those who are feeling discouraged, I would tell them that I support them and that having high standards will definitely lure the right man/woman and not the one that every woman/man wants. Those who are having problems should try fasting, praying and talking about problems that can be tackled down easily and then the ones that are hard will take time and dedication from both partners.”

 

Several very different points of view to see dating from, but you’ll notice prayer, fasting and, most importantly, patience are at the center of all their messages. I know it’s discouraging. You may have had a crush on this one guy for the longest time, and planned out the wedding, where you’ll live, imagined scenarios of him sweeping you off your feet, and so on and so forth. He may even like you too, so you jump into dating him, something you may regret later if you don’t set the standards, guidelines, and goals together. Being with someone just to be with them isn’t a good enough reason. Be with someone you can have a serious, funny, or pointless conversation with. Have marriage as a goal in your dating life, and Christ at the center. Otherwise, I can guarantee disaster and heartbreak. Emotional chastity is just as important as physical chastity.

 

If you dream up all these scenarios and then your crush gets a girlfriend? You’ll be crushed! Giving your heart to someone who will break it in the end isn’t fun, crying over them is pointless and painful. It’s better to have a true relationship with Christ first (sound familiar? It’s true!), and discern your vocation. Easier said than done, but finding your husband to be (HTB) should be a joyous, fun filled journey, not one filled with, regrets, tears, heartbreak and “why did I…” Write to your HTB, fall in love with him before you meet him, and tell him you are honored to wait for him.

God bless!

~R.A.

*Any guys who are interested, the girls' perspective will be posted ASAP*